Why Intuitive Eating Or Mindful Eating May Not Be Your First Step - And You're Not Wrong For Using A Meal Plan

I remember when I started my eating disorder recovery treatment many years ago, and one of the first things my dietician did was get me started on a meal plan.

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Together we set goals, identified safe foods, and made room for some challenges that felt within my capacity.

At the time (I was around the age of 17), I was really numb and disconnected from my body.

My nervous system was dysregulated and afraid which made it hard to connect internally and discern my internal cues.

My body was afraid - which I interpreted as me being afraid of my body.

All of this fear made it challenging to hear my authentic fullness and hunger cues or discern what foods I wanted to eat.

It was hard to stay present whilst eating and soon as the meal was done, I tried to find ways to override and distract myself from the rest and digest phase. It was really hard to sit in the quiet stillness and yield into the pause that the rest and digest part of my nervous system was asking me to do.

I also didn’t have a clear sense of self either. The eating disorder was the only thing that I could identify with. Boundaries, likes, dislikes, wants, needs, desires were all a foggy, out-of-reach haze to me. But the eating disorder on the other hand, was something I could grasp onto and orient around.

Not having a clear sense of self is very common for people with eating disorders.

For some people, they were given the message from the outside that their expression and who they are is wrong in some way, and so they learnt to shapeshift into a more palatable version, disconnecting further from their authentic self.

People pleasing and fawning are common tactics amongst people who struggle with disordered eating.

Others may be energetically sensitive, where distinguishing between what is mine and what isn’t mine is foggy. For these people, boundaries may not be easy to enforce, and information from the outside world can be interpreted internally as one’s own.

The eating disorder can provide someone with a sense of having edges through the food and body rigid rules. Identifying with the eating disorder (which is external) can give someone a sense of self when internally the scaffolding of self is shaky.

Looking back, I can see that if I tried to follow intuitive eating, I would have been lost at sea.

During those first few years, I literally needed a meal plan - something visual, something I could hold in my hand, something I could write down, a piece of paper with edges - to begin to connect with my body’s cues.

I could measure out my food which connected me with my visual sense, that helped me integrate my sensory system.

If someone had told me to stop planning my meals from the beginning and try intuitive eating or mindful eating, I would have been completely dysregulated.

For many years, the concept of mindful eating went totally over my head.

“Mindful eating” brought up the image of someone sitting very quietly, chewing very slowly, and being aware of each and every moment of preparing, plating, cutting up food and swallowing food. No thoughts. Totally calm.

As someone who has a history of eating disorders and who supports others on their recovery journeys, I find this concept of mindful eating too idealized.

Eating is a complex and intimate process.

We are taking something outside of us (aka food) and bringing into our own bodies. The steps that the digestive system undertakes to metabolize, assimilate and digest food is complex, and sometimes, we need to nourish the body in other ways so that it is regulated enough to begin to be nourished by food.

Oten in traditional treatment, the focus is nourishing the person with food (either by introducing more food, a meal plan, and/or more variety). But sometimes the body is not regulated enough to meet the complexity of eating.

So instead of mindful eating, I share with my clients (and with myself), the idea of "regulated eating".

Regulated eating is doing whatever is needed to feel a sense of enough safety in order to take in and digest food. 

When the nervous system feels enough safety, we have entered into the parasympathetic portion of our nervous system which is the most effective state for our digestive system to be in to carry out the necessary digestive processes.

If you notice that you are white knuckling through a meal that on the outside looks like a nice and neat version of mindful eating, but inside your panicking, then your nervous system simply isn’t going to feel safe and this impact digestive functioning and the ability to eventually eat intuitively.

For some people, sitting in silence brings up discomfort. Listening to music or a podcast softens the edges. 

For others, eating alone brings up anxiety or uneasiness, and having a conversation with a loved one whilst eating is a healthy distraction. 

Some people, when told to eat slower, feel panic and fear and so rather than slowing down, they need to move, bounce, walk, roll, squish, tap or squeeze something whilst eating to feel regulated.

Sometimes folks need specific kinds of lighting, smells or sounds to be present or tuned off whilst eating to feel grounded and present.

For others, having a meal plan is way more easeful for the nervous system and helps the connect to their bodies in a more direct way.

A large part of my eating disorder included tracking and monitoring, and so my recovery plan needed to meet me where I was at, and meal planning in service to my recovery was just that.

Over time I slowly and naturally transitioned off meal plans as I became more confident in hearing my body’s authentic cues and trusting them to be mine. I began to establish a sense of self and started to fear my body less - and this process of connecting to myself from the inside out had to be done through an external resource first.

I’m grateful that I had this experience where the meal planning wasn’t shamed and as my capacity increased, there was support in slowly letting it melt.

For those of you who are navigating eating disorder recovery and are using a meal plan, you’re not wrong or broken.

There can be many reasons as to why meal plans can be helpful, especially if there’s sensory processing issues or sensitivity, a history of attachment wounding, and/or a nervous system that is in defense or protection.

For people to intuitively eat, the first step is to “connect with your fullness and hunger cues”, and if you fear connecting to your body or haven’t establish clear interoceptive awareness, intuitive is almost impossible.

Being able to eat intuitively is something that must be worked towards over time.

We often need to explore other ways to connect to and nourish the body, through the senses (which include our five senses (sight, sound, touch, taste, smell), but also our near senses which include the interoception, proprioception and vestibular systems), so that the body can be resourced and feels safe enough to take in food.

When resourced enough in these other ways, the body becomes regulated enough to engage in the complex process of eating and can then become a resource and ally for the healing process. This is where our intuition then becomes available as a guide for the journey.

Depending on what you envision for your recovery, intuitive eating may not be the first goal you set. Maybe your goal is finding a sense of regulation when you eat, and that could be supported through meal plans.

Getting clear on your current capacity along with the visions and dreams you have for your healing, is uniquely yours.

How walk your journey is also yours and is an opportunity to embody your authenticity.

Photo by Chad Stembridge on Unsplash