Is An Eating Disorder A Cry For Attention?
When I was in the darker depths of my eating disorder, people would ask me whether I was using food to gain attention.
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I wasn’t trying to get attention; I was trying to get my needs met. An eating Disorder is the body’s attempt at Communicating its needs in the only ways it knows how.
The ways in which I used food and manipulated my body symbolized how afraid I was for asking for what I wanted, how I uncertain I felt for expressing needs, and how ashamed I felt for having desires. I was trying to get my needs met that I felt scared to ask for and didn’t know how to ask for directly.
As dramatic as it sounds, in my body, it felt like by expressing myself authentically = death.
For people who are navigating an eating disorder and who relate to this, you may struggle with:
Bingeing on foods that do not satisfy hunger or thirst because you can’t ask for what you truly want,
Restriction because you cannot act on hunger cues,
Asking for help,
Expressing emotion, or
Asking directly for what you want or need
How do you reach out?
For people who relate to this embodied perspective at understanding eating disorders, you may notice that it’s hard to physically reach out or extend out with your arms and hands, which may make it challenging to give, receive, or reach out for help or connection or intimacy.
Linked to this somatic architecture are correlating beliefs. As such, you may have this belief that it’s not ok to have fun or a feeling of not being able to give in or give up.
On the other hand, you may notice that your arms and hands flail or are very loose or disconnected from the rest of your body. Maybe you have joints that click, or your shoulder can dislocate easily. Linked to this somatic organization, are beliefs such as believing that you cannot be direct with your feelings or intentions, or that others will not support you desires.
So, is an eating disorder a cry for attention? I think in many cases, people with an eating disorder or disordered eating who resonate with these words, will say it’s not.
On the outside, on the surface, at first glance, it may look like attention-seeking but underneath, the person is trying to find a creative, secretive, indirect way of getting what they want and who also feel deeply afraid to ask for those things in a direct or honest way (because possibly when they tried to ask in the past, they were shamed or wronged, or made to feel bad).
And usually, what people with eating disorders are seeking and are trying to reach for is connection, co-regulation, safety, and support.
We have to utilize both top-down and bottom-up processing to support eating disorder recovery. Our beliefs are represented and manifest through our physical body. This means that our working with the body and the nervous system can influence our thoughts and perceptions of reality. By supporting the loosening up of beliefs, the ways in which the body moves through life and how the nervous system can handle challenge and pleasure transforms.
Rather than vilifying and demonizing eating disorders as simply a cry for attention, let’s get real. We all want attention.
We all want to belong, to be seen, to be considered and recognized. We want to be understood.
We want to feel safe. We don’t want to feel alone. We want to engage with others in ways that feel resonate and genuine. We want to be held.
When we give the body what it has been asking for (ie. attunement and safety), the coping strategies that involve food lessen, the body becomes more flexible and resilient, and beliefs around worth, belonging, and purpose evolve.
Photo by Yash Prajapati on Unsplash